Shots Across the Bow

A Reality Based Blog

 
Thursday, April 17, 2008

I Don’t Know Much About Modern Art

and by the looks of things,I don't want to.

Whether the story is true or a hoax (And I pray it's a hoax) is irrelevant. It's a disgrace that this young woman has chosen to trivialize abortion in such an exploitative manner.

Her parents must be so proud...

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (5) Comments • (0) TrackbacksPermalink


When Your Bank Won’t Pay…

This is just incredible. There's no excuse.

She immediately asked if I wanted a check for the amount ($4.2k) and I said no, that I wanted cash. She then yelled to the manager across the bank about the transaction. He asked; how much? She said "$4200". Keep in mind that this was not done in private but across the room at the bank, therefore letting everyone in the room know that I wanted a (fairly) large sum of cash.

It was at this time that the faux hawk sporting manager said 'nope'.
snip...
I then asked the teller very plainly... "Are you saying that I can't have MY money?"

She said "yes".


That would immediately precipitate my final transaction with that bank.

I once deposited a large sum of money into a bank account that had been closed. I had just come back from a 2 month deployment, and my wife had let the account get overdrawn. I deposited enough money in the account to clear the negative balance, then wrote several checks on the rest, buying food and whatnot. When the checks began bouncing, I called the bank to find out what had happened and was informed that the account had been closed 3 weeks earlier!

In disbelief, I asked why they had allowed me to make a deposit to an account that didn't exist. Their explanation was that their computer doesn't check the status of an account, it just verifies that the number follows their unique pattern and then processes the transaction. In order to get my money back, I had to contact the main offices, send them a certified letter, including the deposit receipt,and ID and then wait 4 weeks to get a cashier's check for my money.

Needless to say, when I got the cashier's check, they had deducted bounce fees for the checks that I had written.

f I could have figured out a way to run Direct Deposit to my mattress at home, I'd have done it in a heartbeat.

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (0) Comments • (0) TrackbacksPermalink


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

School Safety and Your Kids

In a time when it seems every other day brings a story about teachers having sex with students, a Virginia school system has enforced a no touch policy that outlaws high 5's and even shaking hands.

Apparently teachers want to be the only ones allowed to touch students.

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (0) Comments • (0) TrackbacksPermalink


Friday, June 08, 2007

Justice May be Blind,But She’s Still a Woman

So, what do you think a fair sentence would be if you were convicted of shooting a sleeping man in the back with a shotgun?

How does 210 days sound?

And she plans on suing to get custody of the kids.

Nap time must be hell in her house.

And before you jump on me about how cruel and heartless I am, let's look at a few things.

The day after the murder, she said nothing to the police about physical and sexual abuse. Instead she said,"My ugly came out." She went on to say,
"He was a mighty fine person, and that's the thing," she said.

"Just say, 'The lady was a moron, evil woman,' and let's go on with it. That's fine. ... That's my point of view."

After she shot him in the back,as he lay here dying, she wiped the blood from his mouth, and said she was sorry.

Yeah, he was a real monster alright.

By the way, Mary Winkler was caught up in a check fraud scheme that was about to blow up in her face.

Instead it blew up in her husband's back.

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (2) Comments • (0) TrackbacksPermalink


Tuesday, November 08, 2005

The French Fight Back

After two weeks of rioting and thousands of cars firebombed, Chirac and the rest of the French government have announced their plan to end the rioting.

They're sending the rioters to their room.

If they persist in their unruly behavior, the next step is to send them to bed without supper, although Amnesty International has already lodged complaints about the brutality of starvation as a disciplinary tool.

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (0) Comments • (0) TrackbacksPermalink


Monday, October 20, 2003

And we need this why?

A female Viagra is on the way
A women's version of the anti-impotence drug Viagra will be available in five years, the head of US chemical giant Pfizer said in an interview published in Frankfurt.

"At the latest, the drug will be on the market in five years," Henry McKinnell told the weekly Frankfurter Allgemeine Sonntagszeitung.

He said research on the new drug was running at full swing, but he did not explain what effect it would have on women who took the new medication.


From what I understand about it, Viagra doesn't cause arousal, just enhances the ability to achieve an erection. Maybe it's just been too long, but what good would this do a woman?

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (2) Comments • (0) TrackbacksPermalink


Friday, May 09, 2003

A man’s home is his castle; he just can’t defend it.

Not in England, anyway.

Tony Martin was convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 5 years in prison for killing two burglars who broke into his home. He was denied parole yesterday by the Parole Board, who made it clear that burglars deserved to be protected from homeowners attempting to defend themselves and their homes.

So, if a guy breaks into your house, let him take whatever he wants. Help him load up the truck as well. After all, if he strains his back moving your big screen TV, he might sue you for negligence.

And win.

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (2) Comments • (0) TrackbacksPermalink


You gotta be kidding me!

Here's a lulu of a lawsuit for you. 14 mexicans died in the desert while trying to sneak into the US. Their families are now suing the US gov't for $42 million dollars for making it too hard and dangerous to sneak into the US.
The lawsuit claims federal border policy forced the immigrants to enter through a treacherous desert area southwest of Tucson known to have little water and that Humane Borders was refused permission to place a water station "in the exact area" where the crossers died.


As far as I know, Border guards don't force anybody to cross the border. Call me crazy, but I think their job is to keep people from crossing the border.

Here's an ironic twist:
Robin Hoover, president of Humane Borders, said his group had filed for permission to set up the water station two months before the deadly desert crossing attempt. The filing was rejected, Hoover said, because of concerns for the endangered Sonoran pronghorn antelope.


What's a good leftie to do? Endanger the antelope or coddle the illegal immigrant? Decisions, decisions.

At the end of the article, we get this reality check:
In April, Joel Viveros-Flores, a former foreman at Vazquez Harvesting, was sentenced in U.S. District Court in Phoenix to 18 months in prison.

His boss, Francisco Vazquez-Torres, the owner of Vazquez Harvesting, was sentenced on April 4 to 6 1/2 years in prison and fined $125,000.

Jesus Lopez Ramos, one of the guides for the illegal border crossers, was sentenced to 16 years in prison in February 2002.


Vasquez Harvesting, a Florida based labor company, was trying to bring these folks in. There's your liability; they're the ones that should be facing a lawsuit for wrongful death. Of course, they probably don't have $42 million in assets, so the lawyers decide to sue the gov't instead. Greed trumps justice every time.

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (1) Comments • (0) TrackbacksPermalink


Friday, January 31, 2003

One for the road

Cities are being forced to pay out large sums of money to people who are hurt while committing a crime.
In another instance, Angelo Delgrande shot and wounded his parents and himself in a June 1995 dispute. He then received surgery at a hospital in Westchester County, N.Y. That night, he yanked the tubes and monitoring devices from his body and tried to commit suicide by jumping off the second story of a parking garage. Now a paraplegic, Delgrande sued the hospital for failing to treat his depression and keep him indoors. He was awarded $9 million.

And in Oakland, Calif., a bank robber didn't know the bag of cash he stole contained a time-delayed tear-gas canister that went off, scorched him and sped his arrest. He sued the bank and the police for $2 million for burning him.


Reminds me of the guy who was shot while resisting arrrest in NYC, filed a lawsuit and won a couple million dollars.

Does this make sense to anybody?

Except trial lawyers, of course...

Here's one guy who agrees with the system:
"Just because somebody robbed a bank, doesn't mean that they have no legal rights whatsoever," said Mark Geistfeld, a professor at New York University's School of Law. "The idea that all of us deserve to be protected by the law, even while we're breaking the law, is something that we all will benefit from on a daily basis."


Yep, everyday as I rip off the corner market, I'm proud to know that if the owner tries to defend himself in any way, I can sue him into bankruptcy, getting all his worldy possessions.

Legally.

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (1) CommentsPermalink


Thursday, January 30, 2003

Your Euro at work

This tells me all I need to know about the eventual fate of the European Union:
FARMERS throughout the country have 90 days to put a toy in every pigsty or face up to three months in jail.
The new ruling from Brussels, which is to become law in Britain next week, is to keep pigs happy and prevent them chewing each other.

Official instructions to farmers are to give pigs “environmental enrichment” by providing “manipulable material”, which the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs last night defined as balls.


I was going to add a funny tagline, but I can't think of anything funnier than the story itself....

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (0) CommentsPermalink


Wednesday, January 29, 2003

The Ultimate Tagger

Most grafitti artists stick to walls, or bridge abutments, but that wan't good enough for Dr. Michael Guiler
Michael Guiler told NBC's "Today" show that marking the uterus is a necessary part of the surgery, adding that surgeons rely on such markings to orient themselves within the human body


Guiler said he simply picked the initials of his alma mater, the University of Kentucky, as his marker for convenience.


Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (0) CommentsPermalink


Tuesday, November 26, 2002

Simply Surreal

Via Tongue Tied:
Education Department officials in England are attempting to distance themselves from a booklet they launched that tells nursery schools not to play musical chairs because the game is too violent and competitive, reports the BBC.

Towards a Non-Violent Society, a pamphlet produced by the Forum on Children and Violence, argues that musical chairs only rewards the "strongest and fastest"


By all means! Let's eliminate the "Farmer in the Dell" game as well. After all, it glorifies a man who rapes the earth with agrochemicals, ripping food from the land beyond its natural ability to provide, leaving a barren dust plain in his wake. Also remember the 'cheese', who must "stand alone", suffering humiliations galore as the rest of the children dance around and laugh at him.

And of course, instead of the 'cheese' starting the next round as the farmer, thus completing the cycle and finding redemption, the teacher stops the game by ending recess early, and you're stuck with being the cheese all day, until recess the next day.

But then nobody wants to play the "Farmer in the Dell", and they call you the "stinky cheese," and chase you away, and you get mad, and vow revenge. You scheme and you plan and 10 years later, when everybody has forgotten, and you're now in high school, you leave limburger cheese in everybody's locker. Since your nickname is still 'Stinky', everybody knows you did it, so you are caught and expelled from school. Your parents die from shame and you take to the streets, where your vows of revenge are swallowed by a tide of booze and drugs as you sink into a life of despair.

But then an angel drops into your life and lifts you from the despair. You begin to function as a normal, sane human being. You get a job, and things are looking up. You have children and one day come home to find them sing "The Farmer in the Dell." The past comes rushing back as you hear the mocking voices in your head singing, "the cheese stands alone."

You snap and run screaming from the room, but you can't escape the voices in your head, singing:

"The cheese stands alone, the cheese stands alone.
Hi ho the dairy-o the cheese stands alone."

You run screaming though the streets. Children cry, dogs bark, and eventually some nice men in white coats come and pull you out of the tree, give you a shot and take you to a nice place with soft walls and hard nurses. You recover somewhat, and as therapy, they urge you to write about your experiences. They give you a computer keyboard and a blog, and then you start to write about all kinds of things......

I'm sharing too much again, aren't I?

All because of the "Farmer in the Dell."

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (0) CommentsPermalink


Wednesday, November 13, 2002

Simply Surreal

A collection of stories proving we are living in The Crazy Years

Via reason magazine:

Informant Alert!
A kid in Omaha was suspended for not turning in a classmate quickly enough. The classmate handed him a baggie of marijuana. Our hero threw it away, then contacted his guidance counselor as soon as she was available. The principal then suspended him for 5 days because he waited to see the counselor instead of reporting it right away.

The Decathalon. The Marathon. Gymnastics. And Bridge?
the Silver medalist in the world bridge championship tournament was stripped of her medal for refusing a drug test. Apparantly, the Bridge Federation, or whatever they call themselves, wants to make Bridge an Olympic event, so they have to adhere to the rules governing Olympic athletics, hence the drug test.
A card game as an Olympic event?

Johnny can't read or write, but he still gets a diploma.
Nova Scotia has introduced a diploma for kids who can't pass a literacy test after 4 years of high school. The so-called "adjusted diploma" notifies future employers that the bearer is sub-literate. Minister for Education Jane Purves says that it is unreasonable to expect all high school graduates to read and write. Presumably, this lack doesn't stop Canadian students from entering college, or, apparantly, politics.

via the Washington Post:

Don't forget to wash behind your ears

A 6 year old girl had to be rescued from a washing machine turned carnivore.
Where was mommy?

via USA Today

Thankgving dinner's revenge

OBERLIN, Ohio — This is one tough turkey. A 15-pound wild turkey has been pestering residents of this northeast Ohio community and eluding trappers who want to capture it. The bird has chased after schoolchildren and pets, trapped people in cars and left its droppings on porches. "Most people think it's a poor, cute little wild turkey," animal trapper Dave Thorn said. "People begin feeding the wild animals, which is the wrong thing to do because, basically, this turkey has taken over this territory." Thorn said the bird may be roosting in the chimney of Prospect Elementary School, where it has been swooping on the playground. Lorain County wildlife officer Dave Shinko said he has gotten 20 complaints about the bird. He said it will be killed once it is caught and could be donated to a food bank. "But who knows if it's even any good," Shinko said. "I mean, we're not talking Butterball here."

That privilige is reserved for bureaucrats.

CHARLESTON, W.Va. — The West Virginia Ethics Commission ruled two state-owned bloodhounds, as public servants, cannot serve as pitchdogs in television ads for dog food. Buckeye Feed Mills Inc. of Dalton, Ohio, provides free food for the Division of Forestry's bloodhounds. But the commission ruled Thursday that allowing the dogs to appear in the company's ads would violate the state Ethics Act, which bars public servants from using their public positions for their own private financial gain or the gain of others.

From yahoo:

Not real bright

A Texas man tried to emulate the Dick Van Dyke character from Mary Poppins and slide down the chimney. Hmmmm Mary Poppins and Jackass; two of a kind? You be the judge.

From News of the Weird

For an anniversary tribute to Sept. 11 victims, the city of Jersey City, N.J., planned to release a flock of doves at a downtown ceremony, but since officials waited until the last minute to order the doves, all suppliers were sold out. Jersey City wound up having to use pigeons (which had been caged most of their lives), and observers at the solemn ceremony were forced to witness the awkward birds smashing into office-building windows, plunging into the Hudson River and careening into the crowds. [New York Times, 9-19-02]


"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly" Mr Carlson, WKRP in Cincinnati

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (0) CommentsPermalink


Tuesday, November 05, 2002

Simply Surreal

A recurring feature with stories that prove we are living in "The Crazy Years."

Dem Bones!
Some Ecuadorian chefs use human thigh bones to add extra taste to their dishes and attract customers, according to an investigation by a local newspaper.

Newspaper Extra has sparked a scandal by interviewing restaurant and café owners who admit to cooking with bones taken from cemeteries.

Chef Carlos Acosta has told Extra he has cooked with the leg bones, known as femurs, for 40 years and that many of his colleagues do the same.


The New Generation hits a snag
West Salem High School cheerleader Andrea Boyes thought she had hit upon a great fund-raising idea for her squad — creating and selling Titan brand bottled water at school events.

Last summer, Boyes got a donation of $750 for startup costs, designed a label bearing her school logo, had 6,000 printed, found a supplier and ordered 15 cases, which were delivered last month.

But her plan hit a snag when beverage giant Pepsi got wind of it.

The company’s exclusive contract with the school district allows only its Aquafina brand water to be sold on school grounds.

Are profit margins at PepsiCo that thin?

Oopsie!
The white couple who gave birth to black twins after a mix-up at an IVF clinic are to be allowed to keep the children despite continuing uncertainty over their legal status, a judge ruled yesterday.

The twins are believed to be aged over two. The error came to light only as the parents became aware that the skin tone of their children was different from their own.


Stop that man! He's wearing a skirt!
Gay rights activists are set to converge on a quiet Mexican border town in the wake of moves to criminalise cross-dressing.
Tecate's new town ordinance, scheduled to go into effect in mid-November, bars men from wearing women's clothes.

Men who flout the rule could be arrested and fined.

Transgressors would not face a jail term, although officials said that in practice it may mean imprisoning people at least overnight.

"The majority of votes for this was to avoid Aids, and prostitution if possible," Tecate councilman Cosme Cazares said.

Here that ladies? Wearing a dress can cause AIDS. And all this time we thought it was a virus.

He said s(he) said.
JAMIE McCulloch had a big day yesterday. In the morning, the Gay Games athlete played in the Boston men's ice hockey team. In the afternoon, she was back on the rink for the women's team.

McCulloch is one of a handful of transgender athletes competing at the Sydney 2002 Games who have found themselves in the middle of growing consternation about who they should be competing against.

So, if (s)he's a girl, why is (s)he playing on the men's team? And which locker room did she use?

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (0) CommentsPermalink


Monday, October 28, 2002

Simply Surreal

A recurring collections of news stories that confirm we are living in the "Crazy Years"

How do you control an erupting volcano?
CATANIA, Italy (Reuters) - Rivers of boiling lava poured down Mount Etna Sunday, engulfing small buildings and threatening a mountain lodge after a series of earthquakes awakened Europe's highest and most active volcano.
.....
Catania's airport was shut until Monday morning for safety reasons after a think blanket of volcanic ash gathered on the runway.
.....
The volcano, Europe's highest at 10,900 feet, pumped out huge dark clouds of ash and spurted streams of boiling magma 300 to 600 feet into the air.

More than 15 hours after the first eruptions, an immense mushroom-shaped cloud still hung over the mountain top, and in Catania, city workers were sweeping thick layers of ash from the streets.

Three tongues of lava were seen snaking down the mountain from fissures at a height of around 7,545 feet to 8,200 feet. Cracks were also found at about 4,900 feet but no lava activity was reported at that altitude.
.....
The heaviest flow was descending on Piano Provenzana, a popular area for tourists to take mountain walks in summer and for skiing and other activities in the winter.

The flow pushed over ski-lift pylons, knocked down power lines and swallowed a ski-school hut before surrounding an empty mountain hotel and lodge. Officials said no one was injured.

....
"The situation in Catania is completely under control and our city is not threatened in any way," [Mayor] Umberto Scapagnini said.

Yeah, sounds like it....

Don't you know who I am?
It seems Bill misses the perqs of the presidency. Or maybe not:
Bill Clinton created quite a stir recently down in Little Rock, when he showed up at a popular eatery with a party of 12, found the table he wanted already occupied and had an aide demand that the seated party be moved. The offending diners agreed once they realized who wanted their seats.

"You'd think he'd be nice enough to thank them, or perhaps send us back a little something to show his gratitude," says a diner who witnessed the turn of events. "They got nothing, and then Clinton was so busy talking on the phone and socializing, I don't know that he even ate anything."

I thought this was a bad joke!
Dog shoots man in hunting accident

BROOKLYN PARK, Minn. — Pheasant season took an ugly turn for Michael Murray when he was shot by Sonny, his year-old English setter pup. Murray, 42, was hunting in western South Dakota on the first day of the season last Saturday. He said he was lining up a photo of the seven birds his hunting party shot in the first hour. A loaded 12-gauge shotgun lay on the ground near the frisky dog. "He stepped on the gun and it went off," Murray said. "At first I didn't know what happened. I got that blinding flash of pain and I sat down. Blood was pumping out of my ankle." His brother-in-law quickly tied a tourniquet above Murray's right boot. They drove to a relative's house and a half-hour later, an ambulance took Murray to a nearby hospital. After 15 stitches and a night in the hospital, Murray is on course for a complete recovery


Wimpy Dem cries as Lamar! shakes his hand
Grip'N'Grin Gets Ugly

DICKSON, Tenn. - Politicians don't normally get into trouble for shaking hands. But Republican Senate candidate Lamar Alexander is accused of shaking a little too hard when he encountered a protester.

The police chief in Dickson says the two men had to be separated "before it got out of control."

Officials say Paul Hunton attended a GOP rally and slipped Alexander a fake dollar bill bearing Alexander's picture. The bogus bills -- being distributed by a Democratic opponent -- carry the words "in greed we trust."

Hunton claims he didn't realize the dollar bills were in his hand -- and he says Alexander lost his temper.

Police say the result was a "hand-gripping contest."

Complaining of a swollen finger, Hunton filed a police report.

Alexander says Hunton gave him a "firm handshake" so he replied in kind. Alexander insists he "was trying to be polite."


If snookums can't handle the grip of an old man, then maybe snookums shouldn't pretend to be a man.

Posted by Rich
Simply Surreal • (0) CommentsPermalink


Page 1 of 2 pages  1 2 >

Quote

Bible Verse of the Day

Monthly Archives