Shots Across the Bow

A Reality Based Blog

Monday, April 14, 2008

Michael Makes an Ouch!

Michael usually links them but every now and then, he joins in with a zinger like this one:
How about a presidential ticket of Pat Summitt and Dolly Parton?

Don't laugh. One of these days we'll be electing people who succeed in America rather than those who live off it.

Posted by Rich
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Saturday, April 12, 2008

Fake Boobs, Fake Hair, Fake Teeth, Fake Smiles, and Fake Fur

Yes it's the Miss USA Pageant again.

And who better to host than Donny and Marie Osmond...

Posted by Rich
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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Wow.  That Bad?

Due to the overwhelming lack of response to my last audio endeavor, I have replaced the clip with a bit with much more entertainment value. Allow me to present for your auditory enjoyment a little 3 minute piece I like to call "Listening to Paint Dry"

Posted by Rich
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Saturday, March 29, 2008

Larry the Cable Guy’s Secret Sex Tape

OK, not really, but the truth is even worse.

Here's a clip of Dan Whitney, the man who would become Larry, before he decided to mock all things redneck for fun and profit.

I feel like I just told my kids there's no Santa Claus.

Posted by Rich
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Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Simply Amazing

Folks, I'm going to do something I've never done before on this blog; I'm going to republish a comment thread from another site. The commenters are WhitesCreek, Andy Axel, and myself, and we're discussing R. Neal's analysis of the latest weekly newsletter from the Tennessee GOP. At least, that's what I thought we'd be discussing.

I haven't left a comment at any of Mr. Neal's sites in nearly a year, and I'm too sure why I did yesterday. Maybe I was feeling a tad cranky because of the flue. In any event, I followed a link from KnoxvilleTalks to TennViews, where I read R. Neal's Post entitled "Factchecking the TNGOP." To see the article, you'll have to follow the link to Katie's post, and then go from there to TennViews. Mr. Neal finds it amusing to send any links from my IP address to Free In any event, it will generate more traffic for KnoxvilleTalks, which is a good thing.

Too make a long story short, after reading Mr. Neal's post, I decided to respond. Blame the Nyquil if you have to have a reason. The following is pasted directly from I have only edited for formatting and ease of reading.

More Misdirection from the Master
Submitted by Anonymous on Sun, 02/10/2008 - 22:17.

First, a link to the most recent WSMV poll, which features numbers slightly different than your unlinked poll. You make your point by narrowly defining National Security as only the War on Terror, but try to find a single Republican who doesn't consider our porous borders to be an issue of National Security. Taking the two issues together means that 28% of Republicans see National Security concerns as our highest issue, tied for first with the economy. By my reckoning, that means the TNGOP is 3 for 4 in listing the issues of highest concern.

You're not off to such a good start. Let's check your next "fact."

The GOP and the GOP controlled mainstream media have manufactured the so-called racial and gender divide.

Exit polling data from the California Primary show Obama pulled 78% of the black vote and only 45% of the white vote. If that's not a racial divide, I don't know what is. The sex gap is narrower, but not by much; Clinton pulled 59% of the female vote, while garnering only 45% of the male vote, while Obama pulled 48% of the males and 36% of the females. By the way, the exit polls showed Clinton winning 53% to 42% which is extremely close to the actual margin of victory, just in case you thought the polling data might have been skewed by the GOP controlled MSM.

That's strike two. Let's check the next "fact."

TNGOP: In unifying behind a single candidate, history shows that debate over issues is much healthier than personal politics aligned among demographics such as gender and race.

FACT: The GOP is hardly unified behind their single candidate.

Read the TNGOP statement again. Notice that it does not claim that the GOP is united behind a single candidate. What it does say is that when working toward unifying behind a single candidate, it is much better to talk about issues, rather than race and gender. Surely a good progressive like yourself could hardly disagree with that statement.

The leader of their own party, the President of the United States, won't even endorse him.

Sitting presidents rarely endorse a candidate during the primary season. Reagan waited until after all other opponents withdrew to endorse Bush. The first Bush waited until the National Convention to endorse Bob Dole. And as near as I can tell, Bill Clinton never officially endorsed Al Gore.

You're three for three, R. Neal, and three strikes means you're out. I could continue to refute the rest of your "analysis", but my point has been made for anybody with an open mind and the will to use it.

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Andy Axel's picture
my point has been made for
Submitted by Andy Axel on Mon, 02/11/2008 - 09:32.

my point has been made for anybody with an open mind and the will to use it.

I guess it takes an "open mind" to conflate two issues to come up with one to make the math work (liars, after all, will figure), to cherry-pick results a single primary as evidence of a war within the Democratic Party (more lying, more figuring), and to explicate a vague, fatuous statement with a smug, fatuous statement- then to proclaim victory! Whee!

See, Randy, I told you. This was too many words for Hobbs.


"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them." -M. Twain

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Mr. Axel
Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 02/11/2008 - 23:22.

Would you care to describe how a virtually open border is not a National Security Issue? Or were you supportive of the President's attempt to allow a UAE company to run several of our ports?

Working from the California data, please show how there is no racial or gender bias within democratic voters. If I cherry picked the data, as you suggest, follow the link I provided, and place it in its proper context. Or, if my analysis of the California data is correct, find a state without significant differences in gender and race voting patterns. Back up your argument with fact, as I did. Heck, we might all learn something.

And what is vague or fatuous about suggesting that deciding which candidate you want to support should be based on a discussion of the issues, rather than a vivisection of each candidate's ethnicity and gender?

And I am not Hobbs. Incidentally, by speculating on my identity, you are in violation of the TOS for this site. "...don't speculate about people's "real" identity."

But I won't tell if you don't.

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WhitesCreek's picture
Submitted by WhitesCreek on Tue, 02/12/2008 - 07:08.

The "speculation on identity" is for folks who register and post under a consistant username.

Most honest folk want others to understand which person is speaking in a dark room, so to speak. That way a train of though can be developed. If there are more than one anons, more than one train of thought can be intermingled and the message becomes irrational. I'm sure that's the problem here, since it would be rare to find some "one" person that disingenuous.

If you sign in and register, we will always know which person is speaking, even though we don't know the identity. I think the username "jerk" is still available.

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Mr. Creek
Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 02/12/2008 - 13:14.

By threading your replies, as you did above, you can make it quite clear which train of thought is being developed, despite the lack of an identifiable user name.

Additionally, your implication that anonymity is a cover for dishonesty is disingenuous at best. Anonymity is an excellent way to move the emphasis from who is talking to what they are saying. It shouldn't matter who I am; all that should matter is whether my argument is logically sound and based on fact. If you read my original comment, you'll see that I made no personal attacks. I did charge Mr. Neal with indulging in misdirection, and I gave three solid examples of that misdirection. At no time did I engage in name calling, even by implication. By contrast, let's look at you and Mr. Axel. Between the two of you, you have either implied or said straight out that I'm smug, dishonest, a liar, a jerk, and a drooling coward.

All this because I didn't provide a user name? Is this what passes for reasoned open debate of issues in TennViews? Since my anonymity is such a major stumbling block for you, allow me to remove it.

My name is Rich Hailey.

Now, would you care to discuss the argument at hand, or do you want to call me some more names?

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WhitesCreek's picture
Now see...There you go
Submitted by WhitesCreek on Tue, 02/12/2008 - 13:35.

Now see...There you go again.

I never implied anon was dishonest. I did say there were disingenuous posts, such as your claim that anonymity is a stumbling block for me. I said no such thing and you are attempting to make it appear that I did. That fits my def of disingenuous to a T.

I said that we needed some way to keep track of what poster said what. Your inability to make simple rational associations may have led you to give your name in public, but don't blame it on me.

I stand by my recommendation as to a username, based on your posts to this point. Now if you'd like to start over and work on being honest and rational, I would love to joust with you on our differences of opinion.

Otherwise, it would still help if you'd pick a username so I can know who to ignore.

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Rich again, for a final note.
Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 02/12/2008 - 17:17.

Your previous statement beginning, "Most honest people..." clearly implies that anonymity, as opposed to pseudonymity, is often a cover for dishonesty. You reaffirm that implication with your penultimate sentence in this comment, ..."Now if you'd like to start over and work on being honest and rational..." The obvious implication is that my behavior to this point has been dishonest and irrational.

I'll let the readers of this thread decide if your characterization is accurate or not.

I agree that you never said that anonymity was a stumbling block for you, and I never said or implied that you said it. What I did say was that, based on your initial comment on this thread, which completely ignored the content and focussed solely on the subject of my anonymity, you found it easier, or more worthwhile, to argue about my identity rather than about the points I raised. That remains an accurate statement.

And I don't blame you for my giving out my name. That was my choice, made in an attempt to refocus the discussion on the issue at hand, rather than my identity. Obviously, that attempt failed as we are still just talking about who I am.

And frankly, I find that to be a very boring discussion.

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Andy Axel's picture
Thanks for reminding me of
Submitted by Andy Axel on Tue, 02/12/2008 - 08:58.

Thanks for reminding me of my own rules, WhitesCreek - the ones about dishing out comments to cowards who can't go to the trouble to register before drooling on the interface. As in, "don't."


"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them." -M. Twain

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Go figure ...
Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 02/12/2008 - 13:50.

They still can't bring themselves to actually argue the points that were made. I guess that means that it is not possible to do so. So all they do is call names and hurl pathetic insults. Typical around these parts ...

Not Rich

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Can I be Anonymous #4? Or,
Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 02/12/2008 - 15:12.

Can I be Anonymous #4? Or, are we working on #3? Hard to keep track

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Andy Axel's picture
All this because I didn't
Submitted by Andy Axel on Tue, 02/12/2008 - 19:55.

All this because I didn't provide a user name?

Partly. Election season usually brings out some of the most skull-thumpingly pedantic trolls on weblogs like this.

Is this what passes for reasoned open debate of issues in TennViews?

Where were you promised "reasoned open debate?"

My name is Rich Hailey.

Oh. This Rich Hailey?

As for "turn tail and run", when a man tells you that you are no longer welcome in his house, (and telling a man you once invited in that he is no longer welcome on the front porch, but can still use the side door as long as nobody sees him certainly falls under the heading "You're not welcome") then the polite thing to do is leave.

Now, would you care to discuss the argument at hand, or do you want to call me some more names?

Um... is there a third choice?


"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them." -M. Twain

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Did I misread, or did Andy Axel just state openly that TennViews is not a place to find reason? Or openness for that matter?

Wow. Just wow.

Posted by Rich
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Monday, February 11, 2008

Seen in Comments at KnoxViews

When I see Clinton, I don't see a woman.

At last! Something Randy and I can agree on!

Posted by Rich
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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

A Shots Across the Bow Exclusive!

These don't happen for me very often folks, so let me just savor the glory for just a moment....

OK, that's enough.

Through a very weird concatenation of events, mischances, and pure dumb luck, I got the chance to talk with Senator Fred Thompson today, and not being a professional reporter, I asked him exactly what was on my mind.

"Sen. Thompson, what do you have to say to all your supporters who backed you, now that you've ended your run for the Presidency?

His response

Posted by Rich
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Sunday, January 20, 2008

Agenda for the Republican National Convention

Straight Talk posted an Agenda for the Democratic National Convention. Katie linked it,and asked for somebody to create a Republican version. Since most liberals/progressives are bereft of a sense of humor,and consider themselves to be "above" satire and parody, I figured I would take a swing at it.

I'm not above anything if it gets a laugh. So, without further ado, I present

The 2008 Republican National Convention

0800Opening invocation for racial tolerance given by Ron Paul
0830Alan Keyes speaks on "The Second Amendment: The Cornerstone of Compassionate Conservatism."
0835Paul supporters, including Paul campaign manager Kent Snyder, are forcibly removed from the convention floor for heckling Alan Keyes. Paul insists he never met any of them.
0930Rush Limbaugh address "Media Dominance by the Left Wing Whackos (8 hour seminar broken into two 4 hour segments, aired continuously on convention radio station for the duration of the convention.)
1000Fred Thompson arrives for the opening invocation.
1100Tom Selleck signs autographs in the lobby. Nobody recognizes him.
1200Ann Coulter speaks on "Winning Progressive Hearts and Minds through Shrieking Bombast and Little Black Dresses."
1230Tom Tancredo speaks on "Strong Fences Make for Better Neighbors" then proposes that we use pre-deportation illegal aliens to build the fence.
1300Fred Thompson arrives to hear Ann Coulter speak.
1330Lunch. Fred gets there on time, but only because he thought it was a fundraiser.
1430Naptime for McCain, Paul, Thompson, et al.
1530Announcement that all delegates have been replaced by Diebold voting machines, ensuring a fair and accurate nomination process.
1630Polling of the Diebold delegates begins.
1635Diebold delegates suffer mysterious failure. Bush wins nomination for unconstitutional 3rd term.
1640Al Gore invades the convention with Jimmy Carter to restore order to the electoral process. A freak snow storm breaks out inside the convention hall. AL Gore screams about global warming. Jimmy mutters something about consulting with Amy.
1645The US Supreme Court upholds the Bush win.
1650Al Gore has nervous breakdown and eats Jimmy Carter. And there was much rejoicing.
1655Bush declines to run,saying "Working for you vultures for 8 years is enough! Come February, I'm getting hammered!"
1700Fred Thompson decides it's time to kick the campaign into high gear and drives a red pickup truck up onto the stage, running over Duncan Hunter and Mike Huckabee. Nobody notices.
1800John McCain accepts the recounted nomination, saying "Yippee Kai Yay Mother F.......!"
1820Mitt Romney proclaims God's Kingdom on Earth and claims the nomination for himself through divine right as head of the planet.
1825The Angel Maroney appears and claims Mitt for himself,taking him off to his planet as his love slave.
1830Chuck Norris removes Fred Thompson from his pickup truck by dragging him through the side vent and explains to him that he doesn't appreciate Fred stealing all the Chuck Norris facts and passing them off as his own. Chuck finishes Fred off with two spinning backfists and a roundhouse kick to the side of the head.
1900John McCain's bedtime.
2000Fred Thompson falls down.
2100With no other contenders left standing, Alan Keyes becomes the party nominee and names J C Watts as his Veep,and leader of his krew.
2105With Hillary winning the Democratic nominee, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson become Republicans.

Posted by Rich
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Sevierville Plague Spreads to West Knoxville

In addition to unclean toilet seats, we must add the lobbies of West Knoxville movie theaters to the list of places where the unwary can pick up the particularly virulent strain of STD known as the Sevier County Sidewalk Timeshare Disease. I went to the movies with Lissa, Doug, Cathy and Tommy, about which more in a moment, and when I entered the lobby of the Regal Pinnacle, the hair on the back of my neck began to curl up, and I knew something was wrong. As I moved towards the snack counters, the hair on the back of my knees began to curl up, and I knew it was time to shave my legs again. I looked warily around the lobby, looking for the source of my unease, and out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of familiar looking pamphlets.

I was caught off guard and unaware, ladies and gentlemen. I wasn't expecting to be exposed to an STD in a West Knoxville movie theater, and I relaxed my guard for a split second. I glanced at the pamphlets and to my horror saw Dixie Stampede, Dollywood, and the Black Bear Brothers Breakfast Show leering up at me in four color separations and a million exclamation points. I flinched back in terror, knowing what was coming next, and tried to make myself invisible, but it was too late. The predatory gleam in the eyes of the harridans behind the folding table told me I was about to be sullied in mind and soul.

"We have lots of wonderful package deals for you and your wife. Stop and look at our wonderful discounts!"

What could I do? What could I say? "I'm a local" wouldn't work, because here, I wasn't a local. My mind raced. My heart pounded. My blood curdled. My popcorn went stale.

I snapped.

"I live in Sevier county and I drove 45 minutes to see a movie here just so I could get away from you blood sucking vampires! Leave me alone!"

Mothers snatched up their small children. Girlfriends cowered behind their boyfriends. Boyfriends cowered behind their boyfriends. The popcorn girl was giving me the hairy eyeball. That or she got salt in her eye. It was hard to tell. I backed away from the table slowly, making sure I didn't make eye contact with Typhoid Terry behind the table. That's the only was to avoid infection. "I came here to see a movie about a monster that eats New York City, not to make a real estate transaction that will change my life forever. Besides, with the price of popcorn these days, I can't afford a dog house for my dog, much less a vacation home. So just back off, and nobody will get hurt!"

When I looked around, Cathy, Doug, Lissa, and Tommy were all already in the theater, having made their escape while I held the monsters at bay. I felt like a knight that had just slain his first dragon until I got a text from Doug.

"Don't come into the theater until the lights go down. The ladies don't want to be seen with you."

Women can be so shy!

Posted by Rich
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Thursday, January 10, 2008

STD’s in Sevier County and How to Avoid Them

It's become an epidemic.

The infected ones are everywhere you go, everywhere you look; there's no escaping them, and they have no shame. They prey mostly on out of towners, folks who don't know better. They look good and their come on is insidiously attractive but once you fall into their clutches, you may be burdened with an albatross for the rest of your life.

I'm talking of course about Sidewalk Timeshare Disease.

You're no longer safe anywhere, especially if you're out with your wife or girlfriend. You might think the presence of a significant other might shame them into silence but no, it emboldens them. It's like the scent of blood to a great white shark.

"Are you on your honeymoon?" they might ask, coyly. As if a newlywed couple would answer, "Why yes, we are on our honeymoon. You know, my new wife and I have dreamed of this day for years. We spent months planning every detail of this week, and the only thing we didn't think of was to make a major real estate purchase between bouts of wild monkey love. How fortunate we are to have come across you!"

I first came across this insidious infection in Hawaii. I flew into Honolulu every two months on my way to work on Johnston Atoll. During my day and a half layover, I would wander the streets of Honolulu, taking in the sights and enjoying the scenery. Unfortunately, every block or so, there would be a timeshare pitchman, hustling the tourist couples looking for suckers. They generally left me alone since I was single at the time, but there was one evening when I was walking a sweet young thing to her apartment, because that's the kind of guy I am, and we were accosted multiple times by the touts, until they seemed to recognize her, and then they just pointed at me and smirked. I have to admit I was surprised how well she was known on the street, and you can imagine my shock when I discovered that she...but that's another story for another time.

We're here to talk about STDs and how to avoid them.

It's tough to do. Some of these vultures are more persistant than a thigh rash on a fat man running a marathon.

In July.

They're also not real bright. Just to show my kind heartedness,here's a tip for all you touts who have trouble pitching to appropriate candidates. If a single man is in an East Tennessee WalMart at 5:30PM on a Wednesday during the off season, and he's wearing overalls and a UT ball cap, and has a shopping cart loaded with about $300 worth of groceries, he's most likely a local and not here on vacation. Do not bother him.

Now for those of you who aren't from around here,and don't know how to blend in with the local crowd, I'm about to share a secret with you second only to the 30 min route from I 40 to downtown Gatlinburg that's never backed up.

If you want these annoying predatory real estate vultures off your back simply master the following phrase:

"I'm a local."

Posted by Rich
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Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Reality Check for Bloggers

Anytime you start to get carried away with just how important you are because your blog is regularly linked by Instapundit, just remember that in his own hometown, Glenn came in third in a "Best Blogger" contest to a pornstar and a morning radio personality.

We tend to take ourselves a bit too seriously sometimes, and this is an excellent reminder that boobs win out over snarky commentary every day of the week.

Posted by Rich
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Saturday, June 30, 2007

I Know!  I Know!

Jupiter's clouds are changing color!
Jupiter's cloud patterns are undergoing dramatic changes, reveal new images by the Hubble Space Telescope. Similar transformations of the giant planet's clouds have been witnessed before, but never in such detail – and they have never been explained.

I blame anthropogenic global warming.

Posted by Rich
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Monday, June 04, 2007

Dating Question

When the date ends with a long, graphically detailed discussion about the various potential injuries accompanying car wrecks where the occupants were not wearing seat belts, is that a good sign, or a bad one?

Posted by Rich
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Friday, June 01, 2007

Fun and Games at KnoxViews

I was reading a post over at Lissa Kay about Fred Thompson's upcoming announcement. She linked to a post at KnoxViews, but when I clicked on the link, I was sent to the Free Republic website.

I had to laugh because back on Mr. Neal's old site, he did the same thing to Bill Hobbs and me.

It's nice to see that some things never change.

Posted by Rich
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Sunday, April 29, 2007

BushCo and Cheneyburton Strike Again!

Shaking in their collective boots over Rosie O'Donnell's shocking revelation on The View that fire doesn't melt steel, and never has melted steel,and never will melt steel, the VRWC charged into action to discredit this courageous woman who found the time to learn all about metallurgy while carrying on a busy career in annoying the heck out of people.

Through my investigative journalistic skills, I have discovered that the bridge was pre-wired with explosive squibs over two months ago in preparation for today's collapse. The truck was remote detonated, and then the squibs were set off to weaken the steel support structures.

Well, that's easy for you to say, but can you prove it?

Absolutely. All you need is common sense and two indisputable facts.

Fact number one: The driver survived the explosion. Everybody knows that it would be impossible to survive a fire intense enough to burn down a bridge, so how did he do it? He wasn't there when the explosion occurred! It's the only explanation that makes sense.

Fact number two: (And this is the capper) There is no video footage of the beginning of the fire when they set off the explosive squibs! Nope, none. Not a single frame of video shows the beginning of the fire! It's just like the Pentagon all over again! Jeez, you'd think these guys would learn from their mistakes, but nope, they're just as stupid as they were 6 years ago!

How much more of this are we expected to take?

Posted by Rich
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