Sunday, April 29, 2007
Fox Programming Note
Due to routinely
getting its ass kickedlosing it's time slot
to the killer talents of Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer, and whoever it is that plays the kid on Two and a Half Men
, Fox has announced the immediate cancellation of 24
, which will be replaced by reruns of Sanjaya crying after he was booted off American Idol.
In other news, FoxNews will also cancel The O'Reilly Factor, since it lost in its time slot to Dancing with the Stars, just like Drive
. The factor will be replaced by repeats of Roller Girls.
Finally, Fox will also work to cancel Battlestar Galactica, even though it airs on another network.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Whoah! Listen to the Music!
Has anybody else noticed that the background music on many cooking shows sounds a lot like the background music for, er...um...adult feature films?
Or is it just me?
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
I Must Come Clean
The current flap over whether or not George Allen used a certain word 20 years ago has led me to scrutinize my past for any verbal indiscretions I may have uttered over the last 4 decades.
Although my memories of the 60s are pretty hazy, I feel relatively certain that impolite words did not pass my lips during that time period without incurring swift and sure retaliation from my parents. I assure you that I paid for those words dearly.
However, I must report that on at least 3 occasions through the 1980's, I did in fact use a derogatory term, at the time widely accepted, but now utterly banned from polite conversation.
I called a classmate of mine a fart smeller.
I know, I know, it was hateful of me, and unkind, and totally unwarranted, because my classmate did not smell farts, he smelled like a fart.
I abjectly apologize for my use of the phrase, and can only plead youthful indiscretion, in hopes that my current friends and acquaintances will understand and accept that I truly have nothing against fart smellers.
Monday, August 28, 2006
The Emmy Brouhaha
So, did anybody actually watch the Emmy's Sunday night?
Neither did I.
But I did hear this morning about all the people who were offended that the show opened with a parody plane crash tied to the TV show Lost
. Apparently some folks in Kentucky felt it was in bad taste since they had a plane crash that killed 49 people that very morning.
You know, they have a point. It is kind of offensive. So I started thinking about all the other potentially offensive things we should remove from TV.
- People die in car crashed every day, and seeing one on TV would certainly hurt the surviving family members, so let's remove all car crashes and chases from every movie and TV show. And commercial for that matter.
- No more detective shows featuring murder and rape.
- No more CSI shows either.
- No more hospital shows, which might offend those who have been in a hospital
- No more competitive sports, because the violence might offend the pacifists, and the fact that somebody loses might offend all the losers in the viewing audience.
- No more Jerry Springer (Not necessarily a bad thing.)
- No more Oprah (Ditto)
- No more beer commercials, because they might offend the non drinkers, and besides, they prominently feature pretty women, and that's a big no-no.
- Feminine hygiene product ads will be allowed because nobody could be offended talking about extra heavy menstrual flows during dinner, right?
- No religious programming at all.
- No more sitcoms, unless every joke is targeted at Southern, white, conservative, Christian males, because they deserve it.
- No more reality shows. No, I'm serious on this one. No more. For the love of all that's holy, no more!
- No home shopping shows, which might offend the poor.
- No more makeover shows, that might offend the poor and ugly.
So, after we've cleansed television of all the offensive content, what are we left with?
Sunday morning political talk shows and ads for feminine hygiene products, AKA douche ads and douche bags.
Killer lineup, eh?
And if I haven't offended enough folks yet, let's go further. To all of you people who were offended by the opening of the Emmy's, do you really think anybody who lost a family member on that flight was actually watching?
"Uncle Fred is dead; I don't know how I can go on. Oh look! The Emmy's are on!"
Or do you think that maybe somehow, over the course of a 10 hour day, they managed to forget all about the crash until they saw the opening of the Emmy's?
I have the deepest sympathy for those who lost somebody in that crash. I have the deepest contempt for those who are trying to use that tragedy to manufacture outrage and headlines.
Hurricane Forecast for 2007
From NOA Weather Agency:
Emergency Dispatch to all wre services.
There will be 47 named storms next season consisting of 38 hurricanes, 12 of which will be Catagory 5. All 47 storms will take direct aim at New Orleans.
This forecast will be revised as necessary to conform with reality, but for now, we just want to scare the pants off everybody.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Two Things You Never Thought You’d See Together
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Question for the Day
If our sense of taste is mostly due to our sense of smell, how come perfume smells so good and tastes so nasty?
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Blue is Red and Red is Kinda Greenish Yellow
I was taking a closer look at the gas price map
I linked yesterday via Gunner
and I noticed something.
The states with the highest average gas prices are the states that voted for Kerry. The Blue States are finally going Red!
Sunday, April 23, 2006
An Apology to the Nashville Scene
I now understand what happened, and it wasn't their fault.
Through my own investigative skills, I found out that Karl Rove used to be a dedicated reader of Hobbs Online. Now that he's got some free time, Karl decided it was time for Bill to begin blogging again. And so, with the Machiavellian deviosity he's trademarked over several decades of political manipulation, Karl swung into action, beginning a whispering campaign, and leaving an anonymous tip for Mr. Kopp, who ran with it. The events that followed, leading up to Bill's departure from Belmont University, were all anticipated and guided by Mr. Rove to make sure that Bill had the time and the inclination to resume blogging once again.
So you see, it wasn't the folks at the Scene's fault. They couldn't help it; they were outwitted by the master strategist.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
The Obligatory Brokeback Mountain Post
The following post may be deemed offensive by people sensitive to the needs of people living with alternate sexualities, those who in fact have alternate sexualities, those with no discernable sexuality at all, liberals, and sheep. For these people, and the rest of the humor impaired, I suggest you do not hit the "more" link, and instead spend the next 5 minutes or so in meditative contemplation on the wonders of our world. For the rest of us, onward, but certainly not upward...
Has anyone else noticed the irony of a movie featuring gay shephards? Why are folks so happy about it, like it's a major revelation or something. Are we celebrating the progress of shepherds from bestiality to homosexuality?
"Hell Martha, at least them boys have finally latched onto the right species! Sell my stock in Velcro!"
And why do all the ads and commentary call it a movie about gay cowboys? Are there any cows in the movie, much less herds of cattle? How about a stampede? Everybody knows you can't have a movie about cowboys without a stampede.
Do sheep even stampede? I'd bet not, because if they did, the first shepherd to ever pull the wool over his thighs would never have survived the experience. He'd have been found dead in the pasture with his pants around his ankles and little hoof prints all over his body.
But hey, it's a great movie, all the critics love it, and you chould all go and see it. For me, I'm just going to watch The Cowboys
with John Wayne before Ang Lee remakes it into a NAMBLA wet dream.
« Close 'er up!
Thursday, January 05, 2006
A Blonde Joke…for Everybody
In what may be a first, Rand Simberg tells a joke
Saturday, November 05, 2005
My Buddy Frank
My friend Frank Murphy
just made a commercial. You can see it here
. (requires Internet Explorer. May not work for Mozilla users.)
As you might guess, my Mom's not real thrilled that I hang out with him.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Rednecks in Space.
So, they're going to fix the shuttle using a spacewalk to clip off the two strings dangling from underneath the shuttle. The've been planning this spacewalk for several days now, going over every aspect of the job, uitilizing countless man hours from some of the greatest brains on the planet to make sure the shuttle comed home safe.
And what do these experts come up with?
They built a hacksaw out of a bent blade and duct taped it to a handle and they're ready to go.
Next time y'all want to laugh as NASCAR, just remembe rthat those good old boys are using NASA approved technology everytime they send a beat up race car back out onto the track.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Why is John Kerry dressed like a surgeon and holding a bone saw?
OK, so it isn't Kerry, but damn! It sure looks like him.
For those of you not into classic cult horror movies, the first photo is of actor Davis Gale, in a scene from Reanimator. For those of you not into politics, the second photo is of some guy who ran for President.
« Close 'er up!
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
2nd Lt. Steven Hauk; You’re my Hero!
Iím listening to REMís Bad Day which is kind of appropriate. I tried out for Einstein Simplified a second time and just found out that once again I failed to make the cut. I feel so unfunny I thought about taking up accounting until I remembered they actually have an accountant in the group.
Itís pretty sad when you realize youíre not even funny enough to be an accountant.