I'm not above anything if it gets a laugh. So, without further ado, I present
The 2008 Republican National Convention
| 0800 | Opening invocation for racial tolerance given by Ron Paul |
| 0830 | Alan Keyes speaks on "The Second Amendment: The Cornerstone of Compassionate Conservatism." |
| 0835 | Paul supporters, including Paul campaign manager Kent Snyder, are forcibly removed from the convention floor for heckling Alan Keyes. Paul insists he never met any of them. |
| 0930 | Rush Limbaugh address "Media Dominance by the Left Wing Whackos (8 hour seminar broken into two 4 hour segments, aired continuously on convention radio station for the duration of the convention.) |
| 1000 | Fred Thompson arrives for the opening invocation. |
| 1100 | Tom Selleck signs autographs in the lobby. Nobody recognizes him. |
| 1200 | Ann Coulter speaks on "Winning Progressive Hearts and Minds through Shrieking Bombast and Little Black Dresses." |
| 1230 | Tom Tancredo speaks on "Strong Fences Make for Better Neighbors" then proposes that we use pre-deportation illegal aliens to build the fence. |
| 1300 | Fred Thompson arrives to hear Ann Coulter speak. |
| 1330 | Lunch. Fred gets there on time, but only because he thought it was a fundraiser. |
| 1430 | Naptime for McCain, Paul, Thompson, et al. |
| 1530 | Announcement that all delegates have been replaced by Diebold voting machines, ensuring a fair and accurate nomination process. |
| 1630 | Polling of the Diebold delegates begins. |
| 1635 | Diebold delegates suffer mysterious failure. Bush wins nomination for unconstitutional 3rd term. |
| 1640 | Al Gore invades the convention with Jimmy Carter to restore order to the electoral process. A freak snow storm breaks out inside the convention hall. AL Gore screams about global warming. Jimmy mutters something about consulting with Amy. |
| 1645 | The US Supreme Court upholds the Bush win. |
| 1650 | Al Gore has nervous breakdown and eats Jimmy Carter. And there was much rejoicing. |
| 1655 | Bush declines to run,saying "Working for you vultures for 8 years is enough! Come February, I'm getting hammered!" |
| 1700 | Fred Thompson decides it's time to kick the campaign into high gear and drives a red pickup truck up onto the stage, running over Duncan Hunter and Mike Huckabee. Nobody notices. |
| 1800 | John McCain accepts the recounted nomination, saying "Yippee Kai Yay Mother F.......!" |
| 1820 | Mitt Romney proclaims God's Kingdom on Earth and claims the nomination for himself through divine right as head of the planet. |
| 1825 | The Angel Maroney appears and claims Mitt for himself,taking him off to his planet as his love slave. |
| 1830 | Chuck Norris removes Fred Thompson from his pickup truck by dragging him through the side vent and explains to him that he doesn't appreciate Fred stealing all the Chuck Norris facts and passing them off as his own. Chuck finishes Fred off with two spinning backfists and a roundhouse kick to the side of the head. |
| 1900 | John McCain's bedtime. |
| 2000 | Fred Thompson falls down. |
| 2100 | With no other contenders left standing, Alan Keyes becomes the party nominee and names J C Watts as his Veep,and leader of his krew. |
| 2105 | With Hillary winning the Democratic nominee, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson become Republicans. |
