Shots Across the Bow

A Reality Based Blog

 

Cloverfield:  The Longest Short Movie Ever

Think Godzilla meets the Blair Witch. Now toss in the motion sickness inducing first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan.

That's Cloverfield, all 85 minutes of it. Counting the credits.

Nothing new; nothing original, nothing we care about.

The only thing I want to know is what kind of camera the guy was using. Not only did it have an awesome battery life, but it was the most rugged camcorder I've ever heard of.

Spoilers below. The thing was dropped several times, sprayed with blood, eaten by a monster,and crashed in a helicopter,and it still kept on working. My first camcorder died when a drop of water from Shamu's tank at Sea World landed on the guy sitting next to me.

Look, half the fun of a Godzilla movie is watching the monster tear up the town. Abrams sets the story at night, so we don't get to see it. Abrams missed the point almost as badly as Kubrick missed the point in The Shining.

From the opening of the movie, we know that nobody survives because the camera is found in "what used to be known as Central Park," so I couldn't get invested in the characters. I knew they were going to die. And if you don't care about the characters, then you don't care when they get eaten.

Let's talk plot holes for a minute. I've been in the military. There's no way they would decide to level Manhattan after only 8 hours. They wouldn't even have time to set up a meeting to discuss the options that quickly.

Let's talk about the monster. Basically invulnerable to all modern weaponry, as well as the laws of physics and biology, the monster looked like an enlarged version of the Rancor beast from Return of the Jedi, accompanied by the spiders from Lost in Space.

Again, nothing new or original.

OK,so it's clear I didn't enjoy the movie. However it did work for me on one level. As a first attempt to deal with the reality of terrorism, it worked. Just as Godzilla was a response to fears about atomic testing, Cloverfield is a response to the randomness of terror attacks. The main difference is that in the 50s and 60s, we were optimistic, and the monster was defeated. Now, the monster wins.
Posted by Rich
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I couldn't agree with you more. This was the shortest movie I have seen in years: 1 hr and 15 minutes. The monster's fakey head shot at the end, looked exactly like the Creature from the Black Lagoon. And everyone dying? Have we no heroes left? Where is Rambo, the Terminator or the ROCK when you need them? Either heroes would have kicked ass, saved the girl, killed the monster, and filmed a sequel. With all the guns in New York, wouldn't someone have a gun? We go to the movies for uplift, not total human annihalation!DEPRESSING!
Posted by Tina  on  01/22  at  01:21 AM

"Think Godzilla meets the Blair Witch. Now toss in the motion sickness inducing first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan."

You forgot to mention that less than 5% of people are effected by motion sickness.

"That's Cloverfield, all 85 minutes of it. Counting the credits.

Nothing new; nothing original, nothing we care about."

Actually, it is quite new, came out a few days ago.

"The only thing I want to know is what kind of camera the guy was using. Not only did it have an awesome battery life, but it was the most rugged camcorder I've ever heard of.

Spoilers below.

The thing was dropped several times, sprayed with blood, eaten by a monster,and crashed in a helicopter,and it still kept on working. My first camcorder died when a drop of water from Shamu's tank at Sea World landed on the guy sitting next to me."

Your camera must suck then. Most modern cameras would survive all of that (save for the eaten by monster part, but then again, it wasn't eaten, it was picked up and thrown). Batteries can last for hours, so this point you're making is crap.

"Look, half the fun of a Godzilla movie is watching the monster tear up the town. Abrams sets the story at night, so we don't get to see it. Abrams missed the point almost as badly as Kubrick missed the point in The Shining."

Are you kidding me? You go on and on about how unoriginal this is then get pissed when it doesn't show the monster clearly tearing up the town in the daylight? Hypocrisy, thy name is Rich.

Besides, watching Godzilla destroy a city is as boring as seeing if paint dries faster than grass can grow an inch.

"From the opening of the movie, we know that nobody survives because the camera is found in "what used to be known as Central Park," so I couldn't get invested in the characters. I knew they were going to die. And if you don't care about the characters, then you don't care when they get eaten."

Meh, BS.

"Let's talk plot holes for a minute. I've been in the military. There's no way they would decide to level Manhattan after only 8 hours. They wouldn't even have time to set up a meeting to discuss the options that quickly."

If there was a fricking giant beast successfully destroying one of the largest cities in the world, then I'm pretty sure they'd be a bit quicker.

"Let's talk about the monster. Basically invulnerable to all modern weaponry, as well as the laws of physics and biology, the monster looked like an enlarged version of the Rancor beast from Return of the Jedi, accompanied by the spiders from Lost in Space."

Defying physics and biology? Since godzilla and King Ghidorah are so far within the realms of both aforementioned sciences. Did you even watch the movie?

"And everyone dying? Have we no heroes left? Where is Rambo, the Terminator or the ROCK when you need them? Either heroes would have kicked ass, saved the girl, killed the monster, and filmed a sequel."

Go play more football and watch some more generic action movies.

"With all the guns in New York, wouldn't someone have a gun?"

If you didn't notice, a lot of people had guns, but they weren't doing anything.

"We go to the movies for uplift, not total human annihalation!DEPRESSING!"

Go to church if you want to be uplifted. I go to the movies for entertainmnet and this movie definately entertained.
Posted by Brian  on  01/27  at  12:00 AM

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