Shots Across the Bow

A Reality Based Blog


Simply Surreal

A collection of stories proving we are living in The Crazy Years

Via reason magazine:

Informant Alert!
A kid in Omaha was suspended for not turning in a classmate quickly enough. The classmate handed him a baggie of marijuana. Our hero threw it away, then contacted his guidance counselor as soon as she was available. The principal then suspended him for 5 days because he waited to see the counselor instead of reporting it right away.

The Decathalon. The Marathon. Gymnastics. And Bridge?
the Silver medalist in the world bridge championship tournament was stripped of her medal for refusing a drug test. Apparantly, the Bridge Federation, or whatever they call themselves, wants to make Bridge an Olympic event, so they have to adhere to the rules governing Olympic athletics, hence the drug test.
A card game as an Olympic event?

Johnny can't read or write, but he still gets a diploma.
Nova Scotia has introduced a diploma for kids who can't pass a literacy test after 4 years of high school. The so-called "adjusted diploma" notifies future employers that the bearer is sub-literate. Minister for Education Jane Purves says that it is unreasonable to expect all high school graduates to read and write. Presumably, this lack doesn't stop Canadian students from entering college, or, apparantly, politics.

via the Washington Post:

Don't forget to wash behind your ears

A 6 year old girl had to be rescued from a washing machine turned carnivore.
Where was mommy?

via USA Today

Thankgving dinner's revenge

OBERLIN, Ohio — This is one tough turkey. A 15-pound wild turkey has been pestering residents of this northeast Ohio community and eluding trappers who want to capture it. The bird has chased after schoolchildren and pets, trapped people in cars and left its droppings on porches. "Most people think it's a poor, cute little wild turkey," animal trapper Dave Thorn said. "People begin feeding the wild animals, which is the wrong thing to do because, basically, this turkey has taken over this territory." Thorn said the bird may be roosting in the chimney of Prospect Elementary School, where it has been swooping on the playground. Lorain County wildlife officer Dave Shinko said he has gotten 20 complaints about the bird. He said it will be killed once it is caught and could be donated to a food bank. "But who knows if it's even any good," Shinko said. "I mean, we're not talking Butterball here."

That privilige is reserved for bureaucrats.

CHARLESTON, W.Va. — The West Virginia Ethics Commission ruled two state-owned bloodhounds, as public servants, cannot serve as pitchdogs in television ads for dog food. Buckeye Feed Mills Inc. of Dalton, Ohio, provides free food for the Division of Forestry's bloodhounds. But the commission ruled Thursday that allowing the dogs to appear in the company's ads would violate the state Ethics Act, which bars public servants from using their public positions for their own private financial gain or the gain of others.

From yahoo:

Not real bright

A Texas man tried to emulate the Dick Van Dyke character from Mary Poppins and slide down the chimney. Hmmmm Mary Poppins and Jackass; two of a kind? You be the judge.

From News of the Weird

For an anniversary tribute to Sept. 11 victims, the city of Jersey City, N.J., planned to release a flock of doves at a downtown ceremony, but since officials waited until the last minute to order the doves, all suppliers were sold out. Jersey City wound up having to use pigeons (which had been caged most of their lives), and observers at the solemn ceremony were forced to witness the awkward birds smashing into office-building windows, plunging into the Hudson River and careening into the crowds. [New York Times, 9-19-02]

"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly" Mr Carlson, WKRP in Cincinnati
Posted by Rich
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