'Love' is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
Our Dr. Feelgoods now characterize that state as a social disease called co-dependence.
They tell us that we must remain separate from our marriage and our spouse, that we must retain our autonomy. They tell us that depending on our mate is bad, because it reduces our ability to fend for ourselves. They tell us that we must be ready to jump ship at a moment's instant, because there are no guarantees, and people change. And we follow their advice, because they are the experts, right?
And because we follow their advice,and refuse to commit, and refuse to depend on our mate, we fulfill their prophecy. We grow apart; we lose our connections. The ties that we form are never strengthened, never become vital.We hold our mate at arm's length, and as long as things go well, we are all right. The fire may die, we may lose the passionate connection, but we are comfortable, and secure in the knowledge that we are still independent. Then the storm comes, and when we need those roots, those ties, they fail us. We are torn apart, because we really don't have all that much to lose. After all, we were almost alone in the first place.
But love can be so much more. A true commitment of the heart and mind without hesitation or reservation creates a union which carries more strength than both of the two possess alone. Knowing that there is someone who you can rely on to be there for you in victory or defeat for you is a tremendous source of courage, and will allow you to face down any challenge. Challenges that would destroy the 'modern' marriage can be overcome by a true commitment.
An embrace is always stronger than a handshake.
So why do we settle for this pale imitation? Is it from fear of getting hurt? Are we afraid that if we truly commit, we may get hurt by our mate, or by fate? I think so. I think we try to minimize pain by minimizing our emotional exposure. The trouble with that is we minimize our joy as well. We pass up on so much because we are afraid we may get hurt. The lesson we need to learn is that the joy is always greater than the pain. Quoting another science fiction author, Spider Robinson:
Sorrow shared is reduced; happiness shared is multiplied.
Yes, I'm feeling a little sentimental today, but I'm sure it will pass....
