And it gets worse.
They finally arrive at the Promised, and when their scouts come back and tell them that there are giants there, they are struck dumb with fear, apparently believing that the God who did all of that can't handle a giant or two.
Who could be that stupid?
Apparently, I can and am.
I'm living in a miracle. My son should have died in the crash. I've seen the jeep, and where the driver's side used to be, there's an impression of a very large tree. The floorboard is crumpled around where his feet were, the gas pedal was in his steering wheel, the gas tank was thrown 75 feet from the car, the battery was found even further away, and the hat that was on his head was found over the next hill. My son should have died from the damage to his lungs. We came within hours of losing him as his organ systems were in jeopardy of shutting down due to extended hypoxia. But my son is being healed of the injuries to his lungs and I am certain that he will be healed from all of his other injuries as well. I'm certain because there's another miracle going on here.
As I wrote about earlier, I believe that God answered a prayer from me by telling me that my son would be given back to me whole and healthy. This occurred before the big crisis with his lungs and it is the only thing that kept me from folding up during that long night. I've also seen God's hand at work moving people and events to conform to His plan, and I know for a fact that He is very active in my life right now.
And that leads me back to the Israelites because right now, I'm almost exactly like them. Like them, I'm living a life surrounded by miracles, but I'm still afraid. When Luke doesn't improve as quickly as I think he should, I start to worry. When something doesn't go exactly right, I get scared. I want him to wake up now and when he won't, I start to worry that he won't ever wake up, and I get scared. He gets an infection, and I start to worry that he'll slide backwards into ARDS and I get scared. How can I be afraid when I see all these miracles around me?
I believe what I was told, that Luke will be okay, but while I have plenty of faith, it is not constant. I doubt. I don't doubt God; I doubt myself. I wonder whether I understood His message correctly. Did I get it wrong? Was He only giving me peace, and not really a promise? Did I not pray enough, or hard enough? Have I taken too much for granted? Have I not praised Him enough? All of these questions boil down to one grave fear; what have I done to make me worthy enough for the Creator of the Universe to stretch out His hand and heal my son?
The answer to that question is simple: Nothing. I am not worthy of a miracle, yet I'm in the middle of one, and that is where my doubt comes from. That's where my fear comes from. And it turns out that I'm in pretty good company. Sure the Israelites balked at entering the Promised Land, and cost themselves an entire generation, and while I have a new understanding for why they did so, I've got a better example to follow.
Matthew 14:22-32
Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”
And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him,“O you of little faith, why did you doubt?
That passage answers a lot of questions for me. Peter, the rock upon which Christ built his church doubted the power of God even while he was in the middle of a miracle himself!
Suddenly, I don't feel so bad.
And I'm going to follow his example. Whenever I feel that the high winds and heavy seas of the real world are causing me to doubt, to fear, or to question my faith, when I feel myself beginning to sink beneath the waves, I'll cry out, "Lord, save me." I may sink like a stone every time I step out of the boat, but I'll step out every time He asks me to. And when my faith isn't enough, I know His Grace is always sufficient. Luke will be okay, and will be leaving the ICU soon,not in weeks or months like some of his new nurses are saying. I'll take God's word over theirs every time. There may be some giants ahead for us, but I know that the God who brought Luke back from the very brink of death is big enough to handle a couple of Giants for me.
Besides, my middle name is David.